After I wrote an Instagram post about my evolving spiritual beliefs last November, I had many people contact me wondering what had changed? Working on healing my body has meant fully aligning with and honoring my own personal beliefs and living authentically. In the past decade or so I have felt increasingly stifled and trapped by religious dogma and began re-thinking and making some more bold changes for myself.
Some reading this might wonder why living authentically by your own set of spiritual beliefs is such a big deal. Why don't I just live what I believe? It can be problematic to anyone who comes from a religion that has unequivocally stated that you will not go to “the highest degree of heaven”, nor will you be able to live with the rest of your other faithful family members in heaven, unless you adhere with strict obedience to the rules and regulations of this religion.
It messed with my mind a little.
My illness stripped me down to my core in a way that I didn't even know was humanly possible - and it changed me. I quite literally drowned in every sense of the word. I didn't realize it at the time, but when I came back up gasping for air, I would be emerging as someone who would be changed forever.
As I was experiencing my own physical metamorphosis, I was also going to go through a complete spiritual metamorphosis as well.
Something deep within my soul changed after living through what I did. I don't know how to adequately explain it to many unless they’ve gone through a radical life altering experience for themselves. For several years, I stared down a health crisis so great I didn't think I was going to survive. I faced the very real thought that I wouldn't live to raise my children, and that thought also changed me. My daughters are my very heartbeat. Going forward, I knew that I had to embrace living nothing less than fully authentic myself. In doing so, I realized that I would also free them to live as their own authentic selves.
Much like the lyrics say in the song Defying Gravity from the musical Wicked.
Something has changed within me.
Something is not the same.
I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game.
Too late for second guessing.
Too late to go back to sleep.
It's time to trust my instincts.... and close my eyes and leap!
It was definitely too late for me to go back to sleep. As horribly difficult as this health crisis was, it also provided an opportunity for an awakening deep within my soul. It had a way of bringing clarity so that I was crystal clear on what really mattered in my life. I didn't care whether others disagreed or were uncomfortable with my personal decisions. There was nothing left inside of me that could live anymore caring about what other people thought of me or judged me to be or not to be, in regard to my spiritual beliefs or otherwise. There was nothing left in me that would ever let someone else declare me as worthy or not. Nothing left in me that would allow fear to influence my spiritual decisions again. Nothing left in me that would allow myself to feel any guilt or shame simply for following my own inner voice and not conforming to the groupthink. Nothing left in me that would allow another human to feel they had the right to intercede between God and myself. Nothing left in me that would allow someone to tell me I had to obey a certain religion in order to make it back to live with God. Nothing was left in me that would ever let something outside of me have any influential voice over what I already knew within myself to be right or wrong.
The voice I honor now, is the voice that comes from within.
I understood with more clarity that my value doesn't come from whether somebody judges me, accepts, likes or approves of what I do or don't do. It doesn't come from what I wear in the name of religion or don't wear. It doesn't even come from whether I am healthy or not.
I am perfect just as I am.
I am worthy simply because I exist.
I am more than enough.
I am whole and complete.
I am the author of my own self worth.
I am surrendered and allowing all things for my highest good.
I am fully accepting of my own spiritual beliefs.
I am living fearlessly and authentically as my soulful divine self.
I am filled with a divine light that guides me.
I honor the light within myself to guide me to my own spiritual truths. It will. We all have access to this light. This intuitive guiding light within yourself is always there, will never leave you and will always help you. The path that we are each on as individuals learning to return to and remember the love we came from, and learning to be more loving and accepting human beings is just perfect for each of us.
Live authentically friends. Honor the light within.
In peace, health and light,
FUTURE BLOGS REGARDING MY SPIRITUAL BELIEFS:
There is a divine light that flows in us all.
I am perfectly whole and complete exactly as I am, with or without religion.
I am not spiritually deceived and I don't need to be 'rescued'.
The guiding light within me is my personal safety umbrella, not a religion.
Nobody else is privileged to 'know' and receive spiritual direction for what my own spiritual truths should be.
I am not motivated by fear.
I'm ok and you're ok.